I’m sure that everyone knows the proverbial line by Shakespeare that “All the worlds a stage…” I finally got around to reading some of my friends’ blogs and I’ve realized that my world has somehow transformed itself from being an active spectacle of time well spent to being a dry hump of a script that any critic would spit at. My stage no longer performs. There are no actors on it. Any that do appear come borrowed from other sets where the director has told them to take a break in their 15 minutes of fame. My own mind has framed a theater of empty seats around the world’s stages, watching from the sidelines the wonderment of life that I could take part in, but am not brave enough to try. In part, I have grown distant from any affiliations that I once enjoyed. Most of that distance is my fault. I say that I have no time, but if I had really wanted to do more, I would find the time. I have grown lazy and apathetic, like much of what I see around me. I see my friends moving on and I am happy for them. Each of their lives is like the movies I watch…they have a beginning, a middle, and hopefully, much later, an ending, a spectacular ending, full of comedy and drama. I sit in that empty theater watching these movies, and when they end, I will be left with nothing but empty empathy because I know very little of the experiences that they have gone through. When did my life become so stagnant? I don’t know. I honestly cannot say when I walked off my own stage and sat down and just have never gotten out of that seat I have grown comfortable with.
Some people would say to jump in and try it all, that life is not life without risk. Some people say that life is good, do what you have always done. Some are as apathetic as I and say to choose for myself. Sometimes I think that I will never make the choice. Most of the time, I believe that I have already made the choice.
This may sound cliché, but I am not a fighter. I am more the “please don’t hurt me, but I’d like to play anyway” type of person. That theater seat that I have grown so comfortable with is also my writing chair, my thinking palette, a delicacy of observable sensory bliss. I have chosen to take that seat and from it I know my boundaries yet I see the endless possibilities. Sometimes I wish I was part of those possibilities, but my part is not to be a part, but to watch, to listen, to record those beginnings, middles, and endings. At least, that is the part I choose to play now. Maybe that is the chickenshit way out of being an active participant in the world around me. But, that chair is hard to get out of. And, in writing this cathartic piece, I find that what I would have considered bullshit in the above words sounds just right. For once, I feel very relieved as I write. I have not found an answer and there are probably more questions that have derived from this session than anything else, but at least there is something.
In Don Quixote, Cervantez wrote: “There is a time for some things, and a time for all things; a time for great things, and a time for small things.” In the last couple of years, my life and time has been set on certain things, mainly work. Now that I have my job and am pretty secure in it, I find that I am philosophizing about my time. Maybe it is time for a change, time for “some things” to be come “some things” else. My focus must change soon. But, I have yet to figure out where that focus will take me and I fear I am following the blind path. These musings make me ponder even more what my future might hold. I hope that I find what I am looking for before fate plucks me from my seat in that empty theater, puts me back on stage, and asks me to perform the “finale” before I am ready.
Philip Massinger wrote: “Death hath a thousand doors to let out life.” I hope that my exit door lets me out with a proverbial bang!

Yesterday was my birthday...the big 26...oh my God!!! I have crested the great proverbial hill and am now on the downside and very downwind of some nasty old age habits...like taking naps right before bedtime. Ah, to be old like me...someday, you will all experience the same. I did want to say thank you to Will, Sam, and Charlene for taking me to lunch the other day at TGIF. Now, I guess they have changed their birthday ritual. Instead of just singing to you, they announce the spectacle to the entire restaurant and have everyone sing along AS YOU ARE MADE TO STAND!!! Yes, the embarrassment was even more excrutiating...thanx guys!!! The last couple of days have been a great change for the better. I am really enjoying doing nothing but relaxing and vegging. Yes, I did correct papers yesterday morning, but no one else was really there for me to hang out with...they're all working...damn spring break that only works for me. I actually saw 2 movies in the last two days. Ice Age was pretty funny and The Time Machine was unexpected. I was thinking it would be more special effects laden because of the commencials, but it was not and the drama won over more and made it really good.
I am now at my sister's place in Fremont and on her network..hehe...to have internet access away from home...and better access than at home. Weird. I think I'll finally be able to watch the end of that movie I missed the other day...but, still wanna watch it on the big screen though.
By the way...I hate my phone carrier. There is no signal here...argh!!! May I say again...argh!!!
I guess having access online is also a necessity as much as a blessing and nicety...I can't speak to people otherwise...ahhh!!!
Anyway, I'll talk to you all later. For those of you still on break...isnt' it just sooooo relaxing?

Again, it has been a long time since I have visited my own page. I think that I now have a little more to say than the last few times I’ve racked my mind. In the past week, it has been a blur of work, sleep, and other things in between.
Of sleep, the last 2 days has brought more than I’ve gotten in a long time. Without having to turn on my alarm clock, I was able to doze comfortably into tireless wakefulness…hehe…Is that a word?
Of work, I must say that it has been the busiest week so far. First, I was testing most of my classes (for which I am now grading a lot of paper.) Second, the Senior Ball was Saturday and kids waited for the last minute, as usual, to buy their tickets. I was keeping track of names and accounting at the same time while the class officers took charge of doling out the gifts and bids. Although it was tiring, the excitement of the dance charged the air.
The day before Senior Ball, all the teachers had an inservice at various schools. I am sorry to say that I wasted my time at our meeting. First of all, the woman who initially presented told us that this new idea that they were presenting would be a long-standing one, even though all of us knew that that was what was said of all the previous ones. Secondly, she pointed out that the program was only applicable to junior high teachers present because they had not planned that far. So, she lost half of the room right from the get-go. Next, she told us that good teachers do not talk slower and louder if they want to teach the same material in a different way. However, that is what she ended up doing with us. Fourth, and not least, the screen from which she was presenting was small, turned at an odd angel, and unfocused. And, lastly, they needed a microphone. And, what was with the lady that looked “down” on us as she passed out paper? All these factors led to a dissent among a lot of high school teachers. I had a friend in there write “Hello James” from across the room on a large piece of paper because she was so bored too. After about 6 hours of that, we were very glad to go home, especially since it was raining.
That night, my friend Will and I went to see Blade II. It was actually quite good. But, near the end, we got a message saying that Samantha had gotten into a car accident so we left the theater and found her. I guess some idiot had tried to make a left turn and did not see her coming even though she should have been clearly visible. (I gotta admit though, that that left turn lane has this sign that says “Keep right” that you can barely see past, especially in the rain). Anyway, she was just a little shaken up and was doing all right. After some time, the police had written their reports and taken the statements of the other drivers and Sam. Will tried to drive the car home, but the bumper was scraping against the tire and that did not bode well. We called AAA and were soon towed away. Thank god it was a small accident.
The next day, which was yesterday, I woke up early (well, 8:30…ah..yes!) and waited for my sisters to call. When they arrived, Anna gave me this new foam mattress pad for my birthday…it feels very comfortable…thanx Anna! We went to my cousin’s place in Sacramento where my sisters signed the lease for next year. Linda is going to live in Sacramento with my cousins Jenny and Albert. After they signed the lease, we went to Umeko’s for lunch. I mention lunch only because Linda and I have been going to this same restaurant about twice a month…and, we had just gone last week…but, sushi buffet, what can we do but say “give us more?” However, the day had to be cut short. I had Senior Ball to get to and make sure everything was set up.
As I got on the road, I reread the directions that were given, but for the life of me, I could not find the darn place. I even got stuck once behind a horse drawn carriage in Old Sac. Anyway, I called the Senior Class President and she told me a different number than what was on the directions (7th street instead of 2nd). I could already foresee that kids would have a hard time finding this place.(Not to mention the chaperones) When I arrived, the place was decked out with roses and red and white balloons. Nicely done. The D.J. from Rampant Sound was just arriving and setting up. The people from Lifetouch were also in the midst of setting up to take pictures. The “bar” was ready to serve beverages to the kids. The reception table was ready as well. However, I did not realize that the list of names I had was going to be used to check people off as they came in…so, it was in a tiny font and not alphabetized…perfect! Let us just say some people will never let me live this down! Later on that night, there were balloons on the ceiling (and that was bad because the ceiling was very high) and one of the railings on the stairs was broken (but, it was wobbly when we got there).
There were highlights though. Although I was at the reception table most of the night taking in guests and finding their names and counting royalty ballots, it was fun. The conversation was enlightening and the pat downs and purse searches alone made up for some entertainment value. One student was very helpful in taking my video camera and helping me film some of the happenings in the actual ballroom. From what I saw, many kids had fun and were enjoying themselves. Ah, to be in high school again…social events like these are once in a lifetime! The Prom King and Queen were awarded soon enough (and the race was close for the longest time) and the night went on. Surprisingly, about half stayed the night till the end (it was 5 hours long). I was very glad to have the help of many capable chaperones (who enjoyed themselves…I think dressing up and dancing is never old).
I think the night ended well especially when I realized I did not have to pay the parking garage ticket and went on home!
Now, it is Sunday, almost noon, and I have graded all my Freshmen tests and checked my email. I have my Senior papers to grade this Spring break, but I have a lot less to worry about now that my week is over and events have come and gone.
I hope everyone has a great Spring Break (for those of you still in school). For others, I hope you enjoy your work, etc., and your week goes by fast (but, I hope I don’t feel that speed because I need the rest…hehe…) Till next time…Farewell!