Have you ever noticed how bored you can be, even if you are with friends?
Well, last night, I went clubbing with some others and discovered that that is a truth all its own, and it is not a pretty one. Now, granted I was getting over being sick and I was a little irritable. (On a side note, I must apologize to Cheeser for biting her head off at the end. Usually I can take a joke, even if people repeat it over and over and over again, but not yesterday…) I was glad that everyone was having fun. There were a lot of people at the club and dancing was difficult at best sometimes (considering I’m one of those that requires lots of feet room). Despite the fact that there were tons of people and I was with friends, I could not shake the eerie, “I’m bored.” feeling out of my head. Maybe it was just me, but I tried to talk to my friends on the dance floor, but most of them were busy talking to each other and I am not one to force myself onto people, especially since I could barely hear anything anyway. I spent half the time drinking water and sitting in a chair. Man, when W kept on asking me “Are you still going?” over and over again, I should have taken that as a sign and not gone. I still have no idea why every time we talked, he would ask me that…baffles me. If I say, “yes” once, doesn’t that imply that I am going and I’ll tell you if I change my mind kind of thing? But, I think he asked me if I was going, like, 5 times on 5 separate occasions. Of course, originally, I was not going, I suppose, because I was never actually asked to go. I should have taken that as a sign too. I mean, I may be sick and all?, but when going to the club actuates from a conversation that goes something like this:

J: Are you still going clubbing?
W: Yes
J: Who is going?
W: Just D and I.
J: Anyone else?
W: Ch1 and Ch2, but both of them are sick and might not be going.
J: Ah…well, I would like to go clubbing. I was never asked…what is with that?
(pause)
W: 3 guys, we’ll be pimpin’ (I remember this line, because, I hate to say this, 3 guys at a club together is a group, 2?…)

So, there was no real question prompting “wanna go clubbing?” and there was the constant, “Are you still going?” theme. Also, when D was first asked, I was in the room with them both (maybe I was invisible…and, I did not want to invite myself…that would be rude). I had assumed that they wanted to go clubbing alone or something. But, I guess a lot of people had been formally asked. Even A (no offense A) who openly says that she does not want to go clubbing (but, can be convinced to, I suppose) was asked. Also, when D and I finally arrive at W’s house so I can drive them, everyone asks D if he is ready to go clubbing…um…I’m there too…hello? Out of all that, I should have discerned, just maybe, that I should not go. Especially since I was just getting over being sick anyway. And, as I said, at the club, I barely spoke to anyone. I don’t really think I had a chance to. And, every time I did start to talk to someone, they would automatically switch to someone else when that someone else came along. It was the oddest thing. Maybe I am being a little paranoid, but it does not seem that people were in an “I wanna talk to J” mode.
I’ve learned that I am a very passive aggressive person that tends not to express his feelings too much (unless people ask, but that barely happens either). I have a few friends who actually ask me how I really feel about stuff and other friends of whom I talk about girls with and others for whom I only have small talk with. Now, all of that does not begin with me…sorry to say this, but all true. Whatever conversations happen with my friends is a result of their responses to my questions or prompts. E.g.: How are you today? That can be answered in many ways. Some friends tend to explain and divulge stuff while others just say…I’m fine. Now, if they say that, I am very inclined to say the same…don’t wanna bring down their day. So, I usually go with their answers and go with the flow.
Maybe I should be more aggressive with my questions with others and maybe more aggressive with conversations I have, especially these days. I have noticed more and more lately how whenever I am talking to someone how easily some of these people can just up and leave the conversation to go to another one. I tend to be the listener, but when I want to have someone listen, I think I have to tell them to listen, because lately, I’ve found that my conversation just gets washed over. I ask people how their days were or how they are feeling and sometimes they actually tell me and they ask me the same (out of some innate code or something), but I never really get to say much. I begin to explain myself, but it never seems as if anyone is paying attention. Only when I say something that is rude or obscene, then it gets to be noticed right away. And then, that is made fun of, usually. (e.g.: J doesn’t curse, ooh…) So, I have not had a “complete” conversation with anyone for a while…unless it is online or someone who is devoted to the conversation or started it first. Now, people will ask me, “OK, J, give us some examples…” Um, well, people, if the conversation was cut short, obviously it was not there, and you would probably not remember it either. Next time, I’ll learn that if I am not asked at first, then I should just chalk it up, say “no” and move on because the experience that comes from it will probably not be such a good one. Well, I do not usually vent like this, and it is venting. After I wrote the above, I felt much better. I was not going to publish it, especially on so public a forum, but otherwise, I do not think that it would be voiced at all…and, that might be the sadder note. As usual, it is only my viewpoint on things. I would not feel this way unless it happens often enough for me to care that it does happen. If anyone wants to talk about it, I welcome the invite to the conversation.

I went into work today. Wow, that was a doozy. I felt really congested all day and I got a headache from all the pounding from the kids in the stands at the rally at the end of the day. But, enough of my first day at work for the week. Let us talk about something more philosophical...hmmm...maybe not. I am still a might bit sick. OK...that is all then. I'll come back to visit this page again later..hehe...

So, I decided to go into work this morning. Very bad idea. I wake up and I am perfectly ok. I do my normal morning routine, no stress, no nothing. There is still that itchy feeling in the back of my throat, but I think nothing of it and move on. Now, when I get back to school and start working, that is when it all starts to fall apart.
Have you ever felt warm and cold at the same time? That is how I felt standing in the front office of my work this morning. It was horrible. I must have looked bad, because everyone commented on it and so I took the advice of almost everyone and called in sick. A sub soon came and I was gone. Now, how much will I have to catch up on when I get back? Who knows? It is now the second day I am out, so I have no clue. And, my doctor? Well, I have Kaiser and I couldn't get an appointment right away, so it may be as late as tomorrow before I see him and I do not want to go back until I find out I am not contagious or something like that. So, I may miss more work. This is not the best time. Argh. Well, off to more nap time...which, ironically, I really feel I don't need, but hey, all the more will be helpful I'm sure.

Man, have you ever had that pressurized feeling going right through the top of your head. That is how I feel right about now. Ever since Saturday night, I have felt a growing trend toward sickness. Alas, my body could not ward off the evil that has fallen upon it. Now, I can barely talk, my head aches, my ears feel doubly warm, and my throat, the worst of all, hurts whenever I swallow. Yesterday, I drank an excessive amount of water and juices and, believe me, with my small bladder, that was not such a great idea. But, my throat was less dry. This morning, I was supposed to go in to work...believe me..missing work is not good for a teacher...it puts you behind so much. I emailed my subplan in to the secretary, but I have no idea if the email system/network is back up or not. I do not have a fax so that defeats that purpose and I am not about to go out and get a fax or go anywhere period. You're probably wondering how I am able to write this without jumping right back into bed and not gagging? Well, I am in bed and this is a laptop...hehe. (I can't really laugh right now...really hurts, but I can pretend).
Meanwhile, as I was saying earlier about those people winning the lottery? I give them props for succeeding where millions have not, gaining at gambling on a weekly basis. Millions of others pray and pray and give $1 or more a week to the lottery gods and have nothing to show for it. And, the sad thing is? Most of these people probably have better things to do with that money and probably do not have it to spend like that but hope that they win anyway by playing. Money, it drives so many of us to do the weirdest things. But, that is another subject for another day.

I have been adding several things to my other blog. I have been meaning to post my previous writing in some venue other than a piece of paper and I find that I like the format of this blog. Of me personally? I have not had such a sore throat in a long ass time. I keep drinking water and other liquids, but nothing is alleviating the pain. I hope I feel better soon. I do not want to take a day off from work. Whenever I do that, I fall so behind and I have scheduled dates in the library and the career center. This is not a good thing.
But, anyhow, did you hear that 3 people won the 100+ million in the state lottery? Man, lucky bastards. Oh well, I’m sure that …hey…I’ll continue this later. A friend came by and I haven’t seen him in hella long. Gotta go.

Guess what? Even though I have just now really started to blog...I have gone and started a second one. I decided that I needed a separate space to get my writing down. Mixing my blog journal entries with artistic writing seems a little confusing, even to me.
Enjoy...(look to the left under "Other Rags" and you will see "My Writing"...click on it to go to my new writing blog)

Love is a very fine and tendered thing
That flys and dips with wayward wings.
From first crush to crushing farewell,
It is life’s treasure no one can sell.
Either for a day or for a lifetime,
Can you think of any thing more sublime?

Yesterday, I yapped on and on about my problems at school and I completely forgot the other things. (This is just one long whine fest….please bear with me for now.) On 2/9/02, I decided to finally get my oil changed again (after, oh…5 or 6000 miles or so…bad considering I usually do the anal every 3000 miles). Low and behold, the mechanic who changed my oil discovered that my intake manifold was leaking coolant. Now, I had no idea what that was and still do not know what it does, but the cost to fix it was nearly a G…yes, a thousand dollars…my God! Anyway...I guess small leaks can lead to bigger leaks and cost even more thousands. So, the first open appointment they had that coincided with my schedule was on Tuesday afternoon, after work (the same day the electrical funny stuff began to happen).
I dropped off my car and was able to get a rental because some warranty of mine still allowed for $30 in car rentals. $30 meant that I was getting the low end of the totem pole…a Chevy (formerly Geo) Metro. This car was a deathtrap waiting to happen. It was slightly smelly on the inside (even though there was air freshner freshly doled out, it did not cover the ashy smell of a previous occupant) and more than a little dirty (well, the moldings did not look shiny enough for me anyway). Most egregious of all? There was NO POWER STEERING!!! That sucker, I don’t care how small it was, was hard to drive, especially when I’m used to having power steering at all times.(I know, I am spoiled…always had cars with power steering…yada yada yada…)
When I dropped it off the next day, I was so glad to be out of that vehicle. Now, I admit that the service at Enterprise was not bad. They were very fast and amiable and they drove me to and from the car dealer.
Well, that was what I wanted to add to yesterday’s blog…

Oh, I wanted to thank my friend, Will, for fixing the problem with my blog. The entries were all displaying down the left side below the links in a very long narrow window/table. Now, it is all better (imagine saying this last sentence with a little kids voice).

Now, last night, some friends and I went to a comedy improv show at the Bayfront Theater at Fort Mason in San Francisco. I must say that the act, 3 For All, was quite good. There were 3 improv actors, 1 effects man on a keyboard (it was a simple keyboard which had sounds and controlled the few lights above) and the background was just several pieces of white backdrop boards in various areas of the stage. This was much more improvisational than the one in Florida where they had props and such added to it. These guys had you imagine most of everything, including two skiers tumbling down a mountain behind an avalanche (which was imitated by fingers…very funny…) All in all, a good show. The theater, however, needs to fix their bathrooms. There were tons of Women’s bathrooms with big signs and 1 Men’s bathroom we could find which was down another hallway with other rooms so was listed at a bottom of 6 or 7 other labels instead of standing by itself. Hmm, since most of our group was guys (5 as opposed to the 3 girls) we had to seriously hunt for the bathroom…disturbing!